amy

     Today is the 2-year anniversary of me finishing chemotherapy and ringing the bell on the terrace of West Cancer Clinic in Memphis, TN. Time is a funny thing. On one hand, the day feels like a lifetime ago. On the other hand, receiving chemotherapy infusions feels all too familiar. Either way, today is a day of reflection, gratitude, and celebration.      This morning I woke up knowing that I wanted to reflect on this day but unsure as to how. I sat down in my green, velvet ikea chair for my quiet time. I read back through journals about what this day was like one year ago and two years ago. I looked back through my camera roll to see what this day was like one, two, three, four, five, even six years ago. I started listening to a week old sermon from my church that I missed. Then some threads of reflection came to me.      On my camera roll two years ago today, the day I rang the bell, I screenshot a picture I had taken on November 19, ...

       Hi everyone! I thought I’d write an update blog post since I haven’t posted in half a year. The sad news is that life as a cancer survivor is not like my life pre- diagnosis. The happy news is that my most recent scans showed no evidence of disease!      2023 has not been as smooth sailing health wise as I had hoped or expected. The biggest scare of this year was in February 2023 when I mentioned a bump I felt above my implant to my plastic surgeon. She suggested I get an ultrasound “just to be safe”. I now hate those words. Don’t get me wrong – I am grateful I went for an ultrasound “to be safe” and we found my cancer when we did. But I’m not reassured when people tell me “it’s probably nothing and they’re just being cautious.”      Praise God the biopsy in February turned out to be clear. It was just scar tissue. Since February, I’ve had some big life updates. I got a job in Boston and decided to move from Memphis. It is defin...

     This advent season has looked much different for me than last year. I’m glad that I journaled last year to be able to go back and look at what I was thinking and feeling. Honestly, much of my journal reflections from last year have been an encouragement to me. I try to read journal entries from a year ago each day. It is a reminder of God’s faithfulness to me and brings me hope. A lot can happen in a year. Last year was full of many lows. But I see God’s faithfulness to me in the people who came around and supported me, in my health and healing, and in my ability to have hope.  A year ago on this day I journaled about a quote I saw on Instagram: “The days only get brighter from here”. It was meant to be a hopeful post – a post about the winter solstice. However, when I read this post a year ago today after I had recently gotten diagnosed with cancer, it was hard for me to read. My world was dark with this diagnosis and I knew dark days full of treatment, surge...

  Me and my carrot tart from Thanksgiving Anastrozole      Unfortunately, finishing active treatment and being cancer free doesn’t mean your life goes back to the way it was before being diagnosed with cancer. I still have a few doctor’s appointments a month. I’m very thankful to not be planning my life around chemo infusions or radiation treatments but there’s also a scary side to being done with active treatment and being cancer free. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about a recurrence.      So now, I attempt to do what’s in my control to prevent recurrence. One thing I’m doing to prevent recurrence is taking anastrozole. Because my cancer was ER/PR+ (this means my cancer was hormonal), I am now on hormone therapy. Anastrozole suppresses my hormones so I have no hormones to feed cancer.      I take anastrozole every day at the same time. I’m thankful there is a pill I can take to work at preventing recurrence. Unfortunately, ho...

    I’ve been looking back at pictures of my hair growth from the past four months and am so thankful my hair is growing! One of my fears while going through chemo was that my hair would not grow back.      Several people have asked me if cold capping “worked”. I think that all depends on how you define “worked”. If you define it as not losing your hair, then it did not work for me. If you define it as your hair growing back in fairly quickly and thick, it did work. I’m so thankful for the hair on my head and do think the painful experience of cold capping was worth it for me. Hair growth post-chemo is different for everyone but here is what it has looked like for me: 8 weeks post-chemo: Enough hair for a buzzcut! And eyebrows and eyelashes starting to grow back! 13 weeks post-chemo: Enough hair for little frizz and spikes! 15 weeks post-chemo: Hair that you can move your fingers through! 16 weeks post-chemo: Enough hair to create a part. Now combing my ha...

     As of Wednesday, October 5, 2022 I am technically considered cancer free. Honestly, finishing radiation and being able to say I am cancer free feels kind of anticlimactic. They don’t do any end of treatment scans to ensure I am cancer free so it’s hard for me not to let my mind wander and worry that there is still cancer in my body. But, I have to trust my doctors when they tell me that all the treatment I have gone through has rid my body of the cancer they found almost a year ago.      The day I finished radiation was a “normal” Wednesday. I woke up at 5:30am, showered, made coffee, picked up my friend/mentor, and drove to the West Cancer Center (just as I had done almost every morning for the past 7 weeks). What was different about this morning was me bringing my friend/mentor and it being the last day I had to lay on the table and receive radiation.      It’s wild for me to think about all that has happened in the past 10 months. ...

*I wrote this entry and forgot to post it! Here is a late entry. As of 10/5, I finished radiation!      I have THREE more radiation sessions! I am very ready to be done with radiation. I’m ready to not have to wake up early and drive to the West Cancer Center everyday. I’m ready for my skin to heal and not be burnt and peeling. I’m ready to have my energy back and not be tired all the time.      Thankfully, these last five sessions are called boosts and I am only receiving radiation in a very targeted area. Before I started treatment, I got three small dot tattoos so they can line me up correctly for radiation each day. In addition to the tattoos, they also place a sticker on me to help with alignment. For my boost sessions they placed three stickers on me and told me to do my very best to keep them on for the last five sessions. This is actually quite hard. Especially when your friends are having a pool party. I’m planning to not swim at the pool party to...

                                                        An update is long overdue. Although, the reason I haven’t given an update in so long is because I have been completely exhausted by radiation and school.      Today was radiation session #18 out of 30. 12 more left! Actually receiving radiation is very easy and fast. I lay on the table super still and can’t feel the radiation. I’m only on the table for about 5 minutes so the longest part is waiting for my turn.      Waking up early, driving to radiation, and then going to teach Kindergarten has proved to be very challenging. It’s challenging both because I am exhausted and not feeling well as well as because it’s hard for me to not get down about not being able to work as well as I used to. I don’t like not being able to be the teacher I want to be because ...

     On Monday I met my radiation oncologist for the first time. Although I don’t want to go through radiation, I am thankful to be moving forward with my treatment plan. After radiation will be hormone therapy (a pill) for 5-10 years. So radiation feels like the last step in my active treatment plan. My radiation oncologist told me that I would need 5 or 6 weeks of radiation. Radiation is every day. Before I can start radiation, I have to have a CT scan. Before I can have the CT scan, I have to get preauthorization from the insurance company.      What a year this has been. What’s crazy to me is that it hasn’t even been a year since my initial OBGYN appointment when I was sent for an ultrasound.      Three days until I go back to teaching. I have mixed emotions for sure. I feel excited to be with children and have something else to occupy my time and thoughts. I feel nervous to jump back into something so exhausting and demanding. I’m pray...

     Remember when I said they didn’t find any cancer in my lymph nodes after surgery? Psych! They called me about two weeks later and told me that pathology found 0.19mm of cancer in my sentinel lymph node that was taken at surgery. This came as such a shock for me since they told me after surgery they didn’t find any cancer in the lymph nodes. Apparently, they are typically 90% accurate when they look at the lymph node during the time of surgery. It is sent off to pathology for the other 10%. Just as I wish I wasn’t in the small percentage of women my age to be diagnosed with breast cancer, I wish I wasn’t in the 10% category of my pathology results coming back differently than they appeared during surgery. But, I guess I’m just that unique.      I got off the phone and immediately cried. I didn’t know what this meant. I so desperately wanted my body to be rid of cancer after surgery. I dreaded the thought of more surgery or more chemo. I tried to be ra...

.                                       Today I buzzed my hair. Most of my hair had fallen out due to chemo but a buzz cut length of hair has already grown back. I had some longer pieces hanging on in the back. I always wore a wig or a hat whenever I saw other people. When I was home by myself, I did not wear a wig. I decided it was time to even out my hair to a buzz cut and go free without a wig. My hair has been an emotional and sometimes stressing part of my journey since my diagnosis. I was kind of used to seeing myself in the mirror without much hair, so this step to even my hair out to a buzz cut didn’t come as a big shock to me to see myself this way.      The hair side of this journey has taught me more about beauty. Beauty is not simply how people look on the outside. This was something I knew in my head but has taken on new meaning for me as I have not chosen th...

                                               chemo video      I’ve been reflecting on my experience with chemotherapy. I realize not many of you have had experience with chemo and don’t know what it is like to receive chemotherapy. I can only speak for myself, but I wanted to give you some more insight into what receiving chemotherapy was like for me.      My brother made a video of various clips from the three times he went to chemo with me and took care of me afterwards. Click the "chemo video" for the link to the video. I think this video does a good job at providing more insight. The video begins with audio of me and my sister laughing while she was trying to crack my back. As the video progresses, there is more silence. This audio does a good job portraying some of the joy and humor I felt and experience...

     My surgery was one week ago. Kind of feels like I am 50% done with active cancer treatment now that chemo and surgery are done and I have radiation and exchange surgery left. I’m hoping chemo and surgery will be the hardest parts of active treatment. It’s been a long, immobile week. My back is hurting from all the laying down I’ve been doing. I’m praying I will get the drains out, the pain will lessen, and I will be able to be more active soon.      I’m so thankful I have had my mom, dad, and sister here with me during some of my recovery. Surgery went as well as possible and they did not find any cancer in the lymph nodes! As soon as I woke up from anesthesia, I asked my mom what the doctors said about the surgery. It was definitely a weird feeling knowing my mom knew the outcome of the surgery before I did. I sure do love anesthesia. It’s pretty amazing how one moment I can be on the surgery table, taking deep breaths, and the next moment I’m wakin...

     Being diagnosed with cancer is life-altering at any age. But being diagnosed with cancer in my 20s feels like I have been robbed. It feels like I have been robbed of my youth and all the energy and experiences that youth brings.      After being diagnosed, several people encouraged me to continue with as much “normalcy” in life as possible. This pushed me to continue teaching, going on walks, and spending time with friends as much as I was able. I do feel like this was good for me. It helped me to not feel like I had been completely robbed of my life. Even though much had changed, it was good for me to see I could still do some of the things I enjoyed doing before I was diagnosed.      Sometimes I feel like I’m living in this balance of not wanting cancer to keep me from living the life I want to live and understanding that cancer changes things. I have continued to see the importance of community in not feeling like cancer has robbed...

     Tomorrow is surgery day. Before the next big step of treatment, I wanted to update you all on how my tumors responded to chemo. After my last chemo I went in for an ultrasound and mammogram to check the impact of chemo on my tumors. The results showed that 4 out of 7 of the tumors completely disappeared and 3 shrunk significantly! My doctor said that typically my type of cancer (hormone positive) does not respond well to chemo so this was great news.      So tomorrow I have surgery to do all we can so these tumors never come back. After I have recovered well from surgery I will have radiation.

     It’s been two weeks since my final chemotherapy. For the past 12 weeks, I have had chemotherapy infusions every other week. Not going to the west cancer center for an infusion this past Friday was glorious.      I remember back in December, when I got diagnosed, going through a season of grieving all the things that would no longer be the same. I remember grieving not being able to go out and dance with friends or go on runs. I didn’t know when I would be able to do several different activities again. I didn’t know the effect chemo would have on me. Now that I’m two weeks out, I’m happy to say that I have been able to dance and go on runs. I know this is not the case for everyone who goes through chemo and I am thankful for how my body has handled it.      I’m learning how easy it is to fear things that may never come to pass. I’m also being reminded that life is full of seasons. Just as winter comes and goes, hard seasons come and go...

     On Saturday night I had a party to celebrate being done with chemo. It felt so good to gather with friends and celebrate. There was music, food, cake, dancing, and good times. The weather was great and my backyard was transformed into the perfect party spot. I feel so thankful to be at this point in my journey. I’m thankful I feel physically well enough to have a party one week after my final chemo. One thing this journey has taught me is to not take things for granted. There is still a long road ahead but I’m choosing to celebrate all the good news I can.

       I did it. I finished chemotherapy. And so far, my side effects from Taxol have not been as bad as they were with Adriamycin. I felt very tired after infusion yesterday but seeing my friends gather for my bell ringing brought me a lot of energy. And today, the day after infusion, I’m feeling good! The main side effect I’ve had from Taxol is bone pain. I’m very much looking forward to my “No Mo Chemo” party that I’m planning for next weekend.      Yesterday was a long day at the West Cancer Center. I arrived at 7am and did not leave my infusion chair until 3:30. 7 rounds of chemotherapy have taken their toll on my veins. They had a hard time getting my IV in yesterday so that started the day off rough. They ended up putting the IV in a vein in my forearm. Knowing it was my last chemo definitely gave me some extra strength to endure.      This week was long and both physically and emotionally draining. I was at the doctors four dif...

                                       Today was my seventh chemo! Which means I only have one more as long as everything goes according to plan. I am overjoyed at the thought of just one more chemo. Lately I have been noticing the cumulative effects of chemo (being tired all the time, not feeling great most of the time) and am looking forward to the day when I have more energy and feel well.      Today’s chemo was my first infusion of Taxol. I finished Adriamycin the last round and my final two infusions are Taxol. My treatments are still every other week so my final treatment is two weeks from today! This morning I was not feeling great before I even started chemo. My tolerance for the cold cap and the frozen gloves and socks has gone down. And, the Taxol infusion is 3 hours long, compared to the 10 minute infusion of Adriamycin. Not only was I physically not feeling the...

     Lately the thought of chemo has been making me nauseous. So I haven’t wanted to write this post. Several times in the past few days I have tried to intentionally think of other things that make me happy so as not to think about chemo and feel nauseous. Any thoughts having to do with chemo, or the West Cancer Clinic, make me feel a bit nauseous. The smell of the West Cancer Clinic, the thought of how I feel when they flush my IV, everything about the process of receiving chemotherapy. My nausea and the things that make me feel nauseous has definitely gotten worse the more chemo I receive.      One upside to chemo round 6 was the fact that I was only at the center for about 4 hours. I only received Adriamycin so it was one of my shortest chemo appointments.      2 more treatments to go! I’m praying I don’t feel nauseous while receiving the last 2 treatments like I did during round 6.