What’s Next? Anastrozole, Fragility, and Awkward Interactions

 

Me and my carrot tart from Thanksgiving

Anastrozole

    Unfortunately, finishing active treatment and being cancer free doesn’t mean your life goes back to the way it was before being diagnosed with cancer. I still have a few doctor’s appointments a month. I’m very thankful to not be planning my life around chemo infusions or radiation treatments but there’s also a scary side to being done with active treatment and being cancer free. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about a recurrence.


    So now, I attempt to do what’s in my control to prevent recurrence. One thing I’m doing to prevent recurrence is taking anastrozole. Because my cancer was ER/PR+ (this means my cancer was hormonal), I am now on hormone therapy. Anastrozole suppresses my hormones so I have no hormones to feed cancer.


    I take anastrozole every day at the same time. I’m thankful there is a pill I can take to work at preventing recurrence. Unfortunately, hormone suppression means my body will be in chemically induced menopause for 10 years. Side effects include hot flashes, joint pain, and loss of bone density. Again, cancer has stolen my youth. These side effects are manageable so I pray nothing worse happens!


    It has already been almost two months of me taking anastrozole. So far the worst part is the hot flashes and the daily interruption/reminder that I will always be a cancer patient. I’ve been dealing with the hot flashes since February when I started getting monthly Lupron shots to protect my fertility while going through chemotherapy.


    When my oncologist told me I was going to be on hormone therapy (chemically induced menopause) for 10 years, I made sure to ask about whether or not I would have the option of having children within those 10 years. And surprisingly, he said they can “pause” the hormone suppression for when I want to have a child and then resume it afterwards. The human body and medicine are truly amazing. This was comforting for me to hear though.


Fragility and Awkward Interactions


    I’m not sure if it’s grief, the anastrozole, or something else but I feel way more fragile lately than I did before. I cry so much more. I think old me would see frequent tears as a bad thing – an inconvenience. Now I’m learning to view emotions and tears as a good thing. It’s part of being human. I would rather feel all the things than have a calloused heart.


    I was home with my family for Thanksgiving this year. On Thanksgiving morning I was prepping meals in the kitchen with several family members. Somewhat suddenly, I felt this great need to cry. Things like this never used to happen to me before my cancer diagnosis. One moment I’ll be fine and the next moment I need a good cry.


    I was going to write about awkward interactions I’ve had with people but now I don’t feel like it. Here’s what I will say. I met with a doctor a couple weeks ago who told me, “Not many people your age have the depth and perspective you have because not many people your age recognize their mortality like you do.” And I agree with this. This past year has been a year of grappling with my mortality. Because of this experience, I now have more awkward interactions than I used to. But I encourage everyone to grapple with their mortality. Not in a morbid sense, but from my experience grappling with my mortality has enabled me to embrace life more fully. Life is a spectrum full of happiness, pain, love, and grief.