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       I’m thinking about how hope and watching go hand in hand, thanks to Prayer in the Night . Hope is anticipating a future that is better than the present. It means to wait for. There is tension and expectation while you wait. It is not a passive waiting because watching is involved. Hope is waiting in expectation for God (Psalm 130:5-7). And, ultimately, this hope comes from the risen Christ and remembering that our ultimate hope isn’t in this earthly life. My ultimate hope lies in the fact that Jesus rose from the dead and is working to restore and redeem everything that is broken. Not only am I waiting and watching for the day when all things will be made new, I am also waiting and watching for glimpses of healing and restoration here and now. Hope and suffering are so interconnected. Hope requires patience. Romans 8:18-39      How do hope and watching go hand in hand? How is being hopeful active and not passive? It is watching for grace in the ...

     Friday, April 15 was my fifth round of chemo. I hate chemo. I hate that just thinking about chemo makes me nauseous. But, in some ways I’m thankful for chemo because, per ultrasound and mammogram on March 28, my tumors are shrinking. I was thankful to hear that chemo wasn’t just making me feel sick but that it was doing its job to shrink the tumors.      One positive about chemo round 5 was having my brother with me. He has come with me to the past 3 chemos and I’m so thankful.      Same routine as usual when we got to the cancer clinic – I went for bloodwork and to have my IV put in. Having an IV has not gotten easier for me. It still hurts and I dread it every time. But, I’m thankful my veins have held up and I haven’t needed a port.      This was my shortest chemo yet. We were at the clinic for about four hours. After chemo, we got food from a food truck outside, got smoothies from smoothie king, and went on a nice l...

Here are some lost & found from my past week. -i lost 7 days of living without feeling poorly -i found 7 days that i woke up with breath in my lungs -i lost my taste for foods i normally enjoy -i found i still enjoy berries and juice and chips and salsa -i lost an entire saturday to sleep -i found an entire saturday with no nausea because i was asleep -i found multiple slow walks with people -i found a deeper appreciation for all the natural light my house gets and the plants that thrive because of it

       I had round 4 of chemotherapy on Friday. I’m thankful to be alert enough to write this post now. Honestly, the thought of chemo makes me nauseous now. I’ve been staying on top of the meds this time so I’m praying the nausea doesn’t stay around as long this time. I guess I’ve had enough chemo treatments now to be at the point where just the thought of it makes me nauseous. I didn’t expect to get to the point of having certain memories of experiences make me nauseous.      My brother came with me to my fourth round of chemo. I had labs at 7:30 and they called me back for infusion around 8:35. Getting poked and having an IV put in has still not gotten easier for me. I am thankful that my veins have stayed strong and I haven’t had to have a port put in. I’m praying that continues to be the case for my last four treatments.      Rewind update: On Monday, March 28 I had an appointment with my surgeon. I had a mammogram and an ultrasou...