Hope, Watch, Delight

 

    I’m thinking about how hope and watching go hand in hand, thanks to Prayer in the Night. Hope is anticipating a future that is better than the present. It means to wait for. There is tension and expectation while you wait. It is not a passive waiting because watching is involved. Hope is waiting in expectation for God (Psalm 130:5-7). And, ultimately, this hope comes from the risen Christ and remembering that our ultimate hope isn’t in this earthly life. My ultimate hope lies in the fact that Jesus rose from the dead and is working to restore and redeem everything that is broken. Not only am I waiting and watching for the day when all things will be made new, I am also waiting and watching for glimpses of healing and restoration here and now. Hope and suffering are so interconnected. Hope requires patience. Romans 8:18-39

    How do hope and watching go hand in hand? How is being hopeful active and not passive? It is watching for grace in the day to day. As Warren puts it, “to watch is to wait with attention, yearning, and hope.” Remaining hopeful does not mean denying, avoiding, or skipping over pain. But in the dark night, hope claims that morning will come. The night will not last forever. So I watch for God’s healing presence in the day to day. I’m claiming that this dark night will not last forever. By remaining hopeful and watching for beauty in the day to day, it is a reminder that there is more to our stories than the pain.

    “It’s not quite enough to resolve our questions or tie anything up in a nice metaphysical bow, but sometimes it is enough to get us through the next hour. And in enduring a mystery, we need just enough light to take one more step” (Warren). I am practicing staying alert to both the beauty and pain in my story. I am practicing taking one more step in this long, painful journey.

    Today I am delighting in the ability to sleep and rest. I am thankful for a job that I am able to take time off from in order to heal my body. The blue sky, chirping birds, and sun streaming through my windows all bring me a sense of comfort, cheer, and warmth. I am cozy on my couch wrapped in my pink fluffy bathrobe that was gifted from a friend. I have already sipped my coffee with a spoonful of maple syrup. I did not set an alarm this morning but woke up when my body felt ready. While reading on the couch, I was jerked back into the reality of life as a cancer patient. I received a phone call from a memphis area code. Pre-diagnosis, these calls used to all be from parents of students. Now it’s a wager as to whether it will be a parent or a medical phone call. Today’s was a medical phone call to remind me of my transesophageal echocardiogram tomorrow. The man on the other line was kind as he ended the call telling me they were going to take good care of me. Those words felt both comforting and scary. I sure hope they’re going to take good care of me.