Side Effects



    This past week has been a week of feeling blehh – mainly due to nausea. It started the night of my chemo round 3. I thought I would feel fine that night (based off how I felt after rounds 1 and 2) so I walked to get dinner with my brother and sister. Once we got back from dinner, I was wiped and took a nap on the couch. As soon as I woke up, the nausea hit. This has been the worst nausea so far during chemo. I was throwing up that night. Thankfully, I only threw up that first night. But the nausea hasn’t fully disappeared.

    The way my body has felt these past two months of chemo is definitely frustrating at times. It feels like a tease the way I start to feel better only to be brought low again. But through this experience so far, I can’t tell you how excited I am on the days I feel relatively normal and fine. It’s frustrating not having as much energy as I usually would. I notice it even more on beautiful, sunny days when I want to be running and playing outside but just don’t have the energy for it. I’m trying to lean into other activities that I’m still able to do like reading, coloring, watching movies, etc.

    I look forward to the days when I have my energy back and can seize the day with a bit more gusto than I can now. It is one week after my chemo round 3. I remember being able to run one week out after chemo rounds 1 and 2. Today I do not feel that I can run. I wish the side effects of chemo were predictable. I wish I could plan and know how I was going to feel. That’s a lesson I’ve been learning over and over – I am not in control and cannot predict the future. The best thing I can do is stay present and savor each moment.

    I continue to grieve the inability to do activities I enjoy. I grieve not being able to move my body in ways that bring me joy through running, biking, dancing, etc. With the grieving is also gratitude. I’m grateful I can still go on walks. I’m grateful for friends and family who sit with me when the medicine makes me a little out of it.

5 more rounds of chemo. I pray it’s only 5 more.

Comments

  1. UnknownMarch 30, 2022 at 11:30 AM

    Joining my prayers with yours that it is only 5 more rounds. I am cheering for you, friend!!! Sending so much love. I always appreciate reading your thoughts here. Thank you for sharing your heart on this journey!

    ReplyDelete

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