Strong + Weak

 




    Lately I’ve had moments of feeling both strong and weak. This past week I have felt physically the best I’ve felt since starting chemo. I haven’t experienced any major side effects in the past week. I have been able to run and exercise. BUT, I have also had more hair falling out than ever before. So I’m experiencing this combination of feeling both strong and weak.

    The hair loss started on Sunday morning. Any time I comb my hair or take a shower, my hair comes out. I have mentally tried to prepare myself for going bald. Even with cold capping, I know several people who still lost their hair. So, right now, it feels like I am doing everything I can to keep my hair as long as possible. It feels like, in a sense, trying to hold on to whatever normalcy I can for as long as possible. Trying to hold onto my “pre-cancer appearance”.

    Even with me knowing that I was going to lose my hair from chemo, it’s still a hard process. Seeing and experiencing hair falling out is a very tangible and physical reminder that I have cancer. That I am sick. It reminds me that I am in a fragile state. As of now, I am not yet at the point where I’m ready to shave it all off. I haven’t had chunks of hair coming out yet. So, for now, I might just try to step up my hat game.

Chemo #2 is this Friday and I’m feeling both strong and weak going into it.

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